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> Borris' story, Our favorite otter from Redwall RP
Ansem555
 Posted: Apr 29 2009, 09:20 PM
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I am the Taggerung, German Shepherd style!
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This is going to be my first attempt at a slight fan fic, and will add stories when I get a chance. I have a few chapters planned out, but I need time to work. So sit tight.

CREDIT:
Myself for writing this (duh)
Echo - Editing my drafts and correcting where there should be paragraphs
LKK- For going to help in a later chapter

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Ansem555
 Posted: Apr 30 2009, 07:56 PM
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Prologue
An otter was laying under a tree, curled in a ball. He was no more then ten seasons old. On his back was a freshly made tattoo. He was unconscious, and had two twin swords and a green tunic laying by him.
His family was nowhere around, he had no holt to call his own, he was all alone. The night wind blew his fur, but he still did not stir. All was quiet... All was still again...
In the morning the young one woke up and groaned. His back was burning like the blazes and he had a slight headache. He sat up slowly and groaned again, looking around curiously. "Where is everyone... Where am I?" He wondered, starting to slowly panic.
Nobody around, nobody to talk to, lost, alone. The little otter curled into a ball again. "This is all just a bad dream... A very bad dream..." The otter muttered. He remembered something slightly. Being carried from his stream after running away from home to adventure, kicking, biting, scratching, trying to get away from his kidnappers and getting knocked unconscious. He woke up here... Wherever here was...
He figured it was no use laying here and sat up again. He rubbed his back and winced. His legs were stiff as he stood up slowly. He looked around and spotted the swords and tunic. Under one of the swords was a note. He picked it up and read it. 'You may need these.' That was it. No signature, no attempt at a signature. Just those four words.
He was afraid of this new area. He felt tears appear in his eyes. "Mom!? Dad?!" He called, crying a bit. He curled into a ball once more and cried for awhile. All alone... He didn't know his way home, he couldn't find his parents... He sat up again and sniffed. He glanced at the tunic and swords again. He moved the swords off the tunic, and they were a bit heavy, and he pulled the tunic on.
It was a bit big on him, but he knew he would grow into it. He used the sword belts and put the swords at his sides. They weighed on his back paws heavily, but he wore them like that all the same. Not like he could put them on his back. For one thing his back was blazing worse then ever from the tunic being on, and second, they would have him bent double all the time. He looked around one more time, sniffed, wiped a paw across his eyes, and started walking. Well, I asked for adventure... So I guess I'm getting it... And he dissapeared into the woods.

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TailsMaster9491
 Posted: Apr 30 2009, 08:03 PM
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Asteroids Champion!
Burger Time Champion!
Frogger Champion!
Hexxagon Champion!
Kirby Star Scramble Champion!
Pacman Champion!
Simon Champion!
Snake Champion!






....Meh, I can never give opinions on the first chapters of anything.

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The_Twig
 Posted: May 1 2009, 03:56 PM
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I'm a Ninetails! Wish I had the 'vulpix' fur. D:
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Not bad, though it doesn't have any paragraphs.

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Nineten
 Posted: May 1 2009, 04:07 PM
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Here it comes.......

First off do not use text walls it makes it hard to read.
Chapters need to be long.

Thats all I can so far

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Ansem555
 Posted: May 1 2009, 04:27 PM
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QUOTE (sonic111 @ May 01, 2009 03:07 pm)
Here it comes.......

First off do not use text walls it makes it hard to read.
Chapters need to be long.

Thats all I can so far

Twig

Comment= I dunno where to make the paragraphs, sorry. That's why I use the 'text wall' style.

Sonic111

1st comment= It's my style, can't do otherwise XP
2nd comment= It's a prologue, it's not supposed to be long. Chapter One Part One is being made, and it's way longer than the prologue.

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Nineten
 Posted: May 1 2009, 06:27 PM
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Red Nocturne
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QUOTE (Ansem555 @ May 01, 2009 03:27 pm)
QUOTE (sonic111 @ May 01, 2009 03:07 pm)
Here it comes.......

First off do not use text walls it makes it hard to read.
Chapters need to be long.

Thats all I can so far

Twig

Comment= I dunno where to make the paragraphs, sorry. That's why I use the 'text wall' style.

Sonic111

1st comment= It's my style, can't do otherwise XP
2nd comment= It's a prologue, it's not supposed to be long. Chapter One Part One is being made, and it's way longer than the prologue.

Like when some one says a line do it like that

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Ansem555
 Posted: May 2 2009, 07:54 PM
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Chapter One: Part One

Borris is walking through the plains. He is old enough and strong enough to carry both swords on his back, a healthy twelve seasons. The burning from his back had disappeared after the first few day's of having it. His muscles had grown a bit, his height matching.
A few weeks back he had stopped at a nearby town and gotten a haversack and a canteen for water. He was running low on supplies and was panting from the heat on the plains. He tried to save as much water as possible. He looked at the sky and sighed. "Doesn't look like this heat is going to let up..." He muttered, sitting in the shade of a dying tree nearby. He unpacked one of his last remaining fruits and ate it. Not filling, but it could keep him going.
"I'd trade this lot for a good river to catch fish, drink, and swim any day." He said aloud, giving a small shrug to himself. He looked at the sky again and narrowed his eyes.
"Not even a cloud in that rotten sky today. A bit of shade would help me get by easier." Borris gave another sigh, remembering the food he had at that town a few weeks back... It was good, and he had a nice warm bed to sleep in, a nice breakfast, lunch, and dinner to look forward to...
When he noticed his mouth watering at the memories, he stopped thinking about it. "Live with what you got until you run out and your pretty much doomed." Borris said and looked around the plains. He hated having a one-sided conversation with himself. But hey, he was the only one out here. Who else could he talk to?
He pulled out one of his swords and started cleaning the blade. He had fought against a small group of rats about three days ago and now that he had a chance he decided to clean the blood off. He used an old rag and some water from his canteen to do the work. After he was done, he started on the next one.
"Blood is so hard to get off when you don't get a chance to do it right after the fight..." He muttered, getting a few stubborn spots off.
He finished his work, and sheathed the blades. He packed up, got the haversack on his shoulder again, and began walking again. He wished he had gone East instead of West. The West was hot, nothing but dirt and dust, with little rain to cool the area down. Borris already knew it was too late to turn back. If he did, he would surely die of thirst. So he decided to keep moving forward and hopefully reach a forest or another town.
He saw something move out of the corner of his eye. It couldn't be a mirage because it was following him. He decided to keep going until a next stop point to see if he could draw whatever was following him out. He had heard about these beasts from the town he was at. Gerbil.
They would hide in the dust and dirt, waiting for unwary travelers to steal whatever food or water they had and let them die just to save their own kind. He understood the factor of kill or be killed, but he didn't fancy being the one killed. Let's see if I can get that little rat out... Borris thought, looking outwardly calm, but was inwardly alert. He didn't directly look at the dust cloud that was moving closer every few seconds. He kept it in his sight, out of the corner of his eye. He put his paws behind his head, looking relaxed, but this look actually let him keep closer to his swords for a good grab when he pulled his paws back forward in front of him. Play the waiting game...
That's what life had taught him. Wait until the perfect moment. Soon the young otter came to another tree and sat with his back to it, facing away from the oncoming gerbil. Borris could hear the shuffling of muffled paws moving his way, and his paw inched closer to the sword over his right shoulder.
Closer... Closer... Now! Borris pulled out his sword and swung it, stopping the blade inches from the gerbils neck. The gerbil was reaching for Borris' haversack and canteen, a knife in his other paw. "Make a move and I'll kill you." The otter growled, watching the gerbil's eyes go wide with fear. Borris kicked the gerbil away from him.
"Start running or I may regret letting you go. Go on! Move!" He gave a loud bark that sent the gerbil scurrying away. He watched the gerbil until he couldn't see it anymore, then he sighed. He stood up and started walking again. "Well, that was entertaining while it lasted... A whole thirty seconds..." He mumbled.
He walked on through the night, not wanting to be caught napping. Dawn came and went uneventful, and he was starting to get tired. He looked ahead and blinked a few times. Was that a forest...? No... It couldn't be... Could it? Borris rubbed his eyes and looked again. Yes it was a forest! But he didn't let himself be deceived by distance. The otter knew he could probably run and run and not reach it for a few hours. So he kept walking to save strength. He reached the woods in a few hours, and he welcomed the shade it gave.
Borris looked up at the trees and didn't see any fruit or acorns or anything. "Guess there may be some food deeper in..." He perked his ears as he heard something. He walked deeper into the trees, looking for some kind of food. He had walked a few yards when a familiar sound crossed his ears and he grinned widely.
Running water. He walked carefully so he wouldn't trip on any roots and reached the water. Borris removed the canteen of water from his pack and set it in the cool water to fill it up. He looked around for food, but couldn't find any. The otter leaned over the water to try and see if there was any fish. He noticed too late that a shape had snuck behind him, and before Borris could turn he was struck on the back of the head by something hard and knocked into unconsciousness...

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Needz
 Posted: May 13 2009, 08:12 AM
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If you're reading this, then you wasted time from your life.
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GO GERBILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD

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Ansem555
 Posted: May 29 2009, 07:24 AM
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Chapter One: Part Two

My head... I got hit with something... Felt like a rock...

Borris tried to lift his right paw to rub his head but couldn't move it. His paws were tied behind his back, and he was lying in the center of a stone room. He could feel some dried blood on his shoulder. He opened his eyes and looked around. He tried to sit up but he was stopped again by an iron ring around his neck that was chained to the floor.

"Looks like the otter is up. A nice strong young un' eh?" Borris tried to look at where the voice came from, but started choking on the collar and turned back where he wouldn't be gagged.

"Makes me wonder... Where did he get these swords...?" He heard another voice say. The otter then noticed that the familiar weight of the swords was gone.

"Huh, he doesn't deserve them that's for sure." The first voice was right behind him and kicked him down. He felt his own sword point prick the back of his neck.

"Move and your dead riverdog." Borris decided that it'd definitely be bad to move. He heard the paws moving behind him and they moved in front of his face. The right footpaw got under his chin and lifted his face up so he could see who this animal was.

It was a ferret, who looked a bit in his older seasons. He grinned wickedly at Borris. "You look like one who could do some work."

Borris just stared up at him wordlessly. What else could he do? The ferret had his swords...

"From now on, you work for me. I'm Darktail the Warlord. Remember that." Darktail nodded at something Borris couldn't see. "Take him to the slave pen with the rest of them Deadpaw."

Borris felt the chain he was attached to loosened. It was pulled suddenly and left him choking for breath. "Come on otter, move along!" Borris stood up slowly, staring at Darktail.

"Nobody has ever touched my swords and lived. Your death will come soon ferret face." Darktail scowled and motioned with a paw. Borris felt the collar pulled, choking him again. He started walking, trying to catch his breath.

When they were out the door Borris looked left and right for awhile... Then yelped as a whip crossed his back savagely.

"Your not here to look at the scenery riverdog. Move!" Deadpaw said, prodding the otters back with a spear he carried. Deadpaw was a brown weasel with a footpaw that was paralyzed at an awkward angle.

Borris glared at him, eyes full of hatred. "Prod me again and you'll find that spear shoved down your throat weasel."

Deadpaw laughed and kicked him. "All bound? Ha!" Borris, led by the spearpoint, was directed to the slave pen. His bonds were cut, and before he could move he was shoved in and the door was locked behind him. He felt the presence of others around him.

"Looks like they caught another to serve their evil purposes."

"He looks like a strong one. They may work him hard."

"Looks like a warrior to me."

Borris heard a footpaw stamp on the ground. "Everybeast hush!" The otter felt some water poured on his face.

"Are you ok young one?" Borris looked up into the face of an old mouse.

"Been in better positions." The young otter muttered, sitting up and starting to rub the life back into his paws.

"Your lucky to be alive mate. They usually just kill." A young hedgehog said, patting Borris' back gently. "They will work a strong one like yourself hard."

Another mouse, no more than a babe, went up to Borris and rubbed his paws vigorously to help rub life back in them. The old one smiled at the babe.

"That's my grandson Buoy. Always playing in the water that one, bobbing up and down... Anyway, how did they catch you mister...?"

"Riverwolf. Borris James Riverwolf at y'service mates."

"You look like one who's been through a lot Mr. Riverwolf." A young female hare said, curtsying slightly.

They all suddenly heard a bang on the slave pen door. "Oy! Quiet down in there you lot and get some sleep! Because of the new recruit you all will be working double shifts with half rations."

A bank vole sighed. "That's Bloodtooth, the slave master around here." He whispered. "Get some sleep while you can, he makes no idle threats."

The other slaves nodded vigorously. They all went to their straw beds and each took out four pawfuls of straw, setting it up in a pile in a corner.

"Best we could do mate, sleep well..." The old mouse muttered, laying down on his bed. The babe smiled up at Borris. "One day we 'scape from 'his pwace." He whispered, then going to join the old mouse. The sight of one so young being a slave broke Borris' heart. He always wondered why vermin were like this.

Why couldn't everyone just live in peace? He sighed. Vermin are vermin. No changing that. He made a vow that he would escape. He knew that he would have to be a slave for awhile to get the lay of the land. Find any escape routes to get himself and these slaves out of here. He lay on his straw bed, thinking... Thinking of what he would do when he escaped... Thinking of what could be done to get these poor slaves away from this place... Thinking... Always thinking... He thought until he was asleep. He was having dreams. About home, about his wild adventures, about how he got in this mess and how he was going to get out... Sleep was the only peaceful escape he had for now... Until the morning came with new troubles to fight off...

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Lightning15
 Posted: May 29 2009, 02:29 PM
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*claps* AWESOME. 10/10 http://i171.photobucket.com/albums/u285/KirbyFan31113/Lightning15awesome.png
This is gonna be a really interesting story, I can tell. :3

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Ansem555
 Posted: May 29 2009, 03:44 PM
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Thank you. X3 It took me a few days to get motivated enough.

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Makuna
 Posted: May 30 2009, 05:14 PM
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50000000/10 ^^ I lovez it ^^ wub.gif

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The_Twig
 Posted: May 31 2009, 05:09 PM
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I'm a Ninetails! Wish I had the 'vulpix' fur. D:
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Keep up the good work, Ansem555. =D

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Ansem555
 Posted: May 31 2009, 05:31 PM
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I am the Taggerung, German Shepherd style!
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QUOTE (The_Twig @ May 31, 2009 04:09 pm)
Keep up the good work, Ansem555. =D

Thank you Twig, everyone. X3

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